Hello Reader,
I hope that you find me while you are well. Perhaps you were searching the internet on the simple topic of burning out. It could be because you are approaching a total crash or that you just feel like there is no end to the madness we call life.
I have decided to dedicate this blog to my adventures post total meltdown. I, you see, am what some would call an entrepreneur. I own four businesses that I am looking for relief from, and I had several large traumas happen successively in my life just recently. Now, these traumas were all personal, and in some people’s life they might not have been considered traumas at all. To me they were very real.
The result was one suicidal hour of my life, a small moment of clarity, a large bottle of whiskey, a short night of exhausted drunken sleep, and then it began…burn out.
I had read about it, talked about, and experienced it in part over the years, but I had never gotten to this point. My friends it isn’t as scary as you may think. In fact you have so little resources available to you that the world could collapse and you would only show a slight sign of relief. I was emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, and financially out of resources. In the space of no energy I couldn’t even have the energy to worry. Worrying takes so much energy out of me, and that was far to resource heavy for someone who had no resources left.
I can remember the morning so vividly. It was Monday morning on top of that. That is the single morning of the week that I loathe. I was numb this Monday morning. I had confirmation of the news that had triggered my suicidal reaction the night before. It was okay at this point. I had known right then that I had totally crashed. Under the pressure I had already realized that this is much too big for my friends, family, or wife could even handle so I immediately sought out therapy. If you are here, don’t try to think, don’t try to do it alone, don’t pretend that you are stronger than you are, and call someone. The best part of therapy is that they have to listen to you unlike your friends and family.
When I was little I was forced into therapy during and after my parents’ divorce, and since then I vowed I would never go to such a horrible thing again. I broke that vow for the sake of my sanity, and my relationships. The number one relationship of mine is the one with my wife. It was the best decision I could have possibly made.
Now I am recovering. Two months have passed since the day I thought I was going to drive off a bridge onto a highway, and I realize now that I would have never done it. I was just so utterly destroyed by the weight of my responsibilities and the lack of responsibility that others displayed. This is burn out.
This blog is dedicated to the insights I am starting to receive as I experience life after a total collapse. Maybe it will serve someone approaching burn out, or maybe it will help someone that is just now crashing. The reality in the end is that there are a lot of painful moments, but they are just moments. If you start observing yourself and your life honestly, the layers peel back and the ability to breathe returns.
Please don’t hesitate to share.
Thanks,
I.M.
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